Nights I couldn't sleep you let the sun beat you home I ask myself over again what am I doing wrong to make you stay out all night and not think to call

i just...

i don't understand life, i don't understand myself, i don't understand feelings, i don't understand anything.
i hate and love this person .
this is the most confusing emotions ever to feel HATE and LOVE for the same person. i really don't understand this shit, it's messing with my head and it's fucking me over big time.
i'm trapped .
i trapped myself in ,
my feelings won't let me "let go" .
but its also, feelings that tell me enough is enough.
you can't go forward and back at the same time :
therefore im not moving. i cant.
so i have to go along with whatever bullshit said person wants to throw at me
until i have made a choice .
fml seriously.
i never thought i'd end up being this type of person.
but LOVE is a bitch!!
it knows just when to get you, and how to do it.
i feel pathetic to have stooped as low as to one of those staying in an unhappy unsatisfactory relationship.
im so ready to leave.
but the thought of someone else taking my place (even though im not gonna front isn't much)
really has a way to fucking get to me.
i refuse to have put up with so much bullshit to leave the spot wide open to some bitch on the come up. smh.

im doing this to myself. this is all my fault.
i've never in my life known when to let go
from useless trash to- a waste of a person ,

we're all chasing the fast life
the fast money, get rich schemes
street children.
not having no degree
the i want it i'm gonna take it fuck working for it because i need it
.stealing lying and deceiving
nothing to look forward to just another day for an even longer struggle
forget working for the man to make a dollar
hustling getting chump change;
have nothing to show for it but vague memories of the high and buzz it got you.
putting aside foolish things we once deemed valuable
friends, family, relationships
all a gamble no one sticks around in this cold place.
shackles; holding us back from what we could be
sleeping potential just rotting away in a jail cell
wanna leave but never follow through
grown used to the easy way out
consequences go out the windows
for we are not the children of tomorrow
when the streets is our mother
and its not like we don't know we're living wrong
but the streets keep calling our name

am i...

..the only one that hates when he’s got me feelin those
Butterflies
in my tummy ?






those shits make me feel like throwing up..lol