and once again.

so chris decide to send me another message after that last time i told him off. and hes acting so normal the subject says call me and i open the message he says "what have u been doin". idk im just tired of dealing with his ass now, i mean if he woulda sent this message two weeks ago i woulda been happy as shit, wondering && analyzing everyy word and tryna figure out something stupid and meaningless. hmm.. like last time he messaged me , which was a month ago, and he was just talking dumb bullshit bout he misses me why did i change my number and to call him. wow that shit really mest me up had me thinkin bout his ass all week i was even nervous just writing back to him , i missed him so much i just wanted to give in. idk why but i always notice just as soon im doing good and leaving his ass behind he always finds a way & pops back up and complicates everything and i lose track of everything and my emotions go up and down like crazy. but idk this time is diffrent i feel as if he didnt message me at all, i dont feel like writing back.. i already thought about it.. but naw theres no point, he's still the same. and he cant give me what i need from him. so i just gotta keep it moving. he's still tryna play games and im not tryna fall back into the hole that i just climbed back up from im not fallin for him and his lies again. im not sayin im over him bcuz im pretty sure im not but idk i just feel i gotta accept it and deal with. i cant make him change his mind about the situation and he wont change mine, he really let me know how he felt so for me to keep trying after he says im nothing to him is just stupid on my part. so im letting go. i still miss him but the 'lonely' feeling doesnt hurt me as bad like before. i know i will miss him later but i just wish we could just go back to friends but i know thats not possible i cant be just friends with him :(
maybe someday we can, but not rite now; lol i'll just fall back in theres still too many feelings on my side. hmm this got me thinking why did he message me tho? like forreal. the message seemed so basic.. i decided to go see who else he messaged so i logged on his myspace, but he only messaged me n this other girl he just told her "hit up yo boy" *eye roll* or sum stupid shit like that so im not worried about that. hes lameee. his shit seemes so stupid now. hes worthless i other words trash*. so i feel like deleting all his shit from my phone his pics his old text messages (i've had his old text messages on my phone for like 3 straight months, evrytime my inbox fills up i delete evryone elses but his, and idk why im doing all this i dont even read them anymore i just dont wanna delete them)and his number even tho i kno it by heart. im fine with keeping him on myspace as a friend tho idc cuz i dont go on myspace like that and i mean im not angry at him like before so i think its whatevrs on myspace. its not like im gonna start messaging him n shit cuz im not but just in case i ever wanna contact him n see how hes doin i kno hes on my friends list cuz im not planning on giving him my new number. i dont feel the need to completely let him out of my life. but from everything else that isnt myspace.. uhh yeah he has to go. so im not even gonna post about his dumbass this is ridiculous like forreal wtf? it's like this whole blog is a dedication to him! its all about him, not me . smh, that's allll i ever talk about. but thats done.. i hope. he's no good hes worthless & useless. lol && its just funny to me cuz i've known that all this time but i still wanted to hold onto him n keep him knowing hes not shit. oh well i dont anymore and i need to take out the trash ;)
hehe

where tha fckks my ranch???

soo my moms renting out a room in our house to her *used to be neighbor friend's son* (he's got to be between 19-22 yrs). and idk how long he's been here maybe a month and a couple weeks? idk its like 2 months almost so i might as well say that. first month , ehhh dude was alrite he left to work at 5 in the morning && would come back around 3ishh. then he would leave around 5 & come back around 9 maybe 10 pm. But now i think dude lost his job or sumthin so im assuming his dad's gonna pay for rent now. Anyway thats not the point of this post. or maybe it is idk not treally i just wanna complain about him. well since he lost his job he's home alllllll day long! locked up in his room & it's none of my bizzness but dayuuuum! nd this is everyday. also he occasionally "cooks" as in maccaroni & cheese or cup noodles. but umm yeah dude leaves his dishes there for us to wash. sometimes when he cooks he uses our seasoned salt or stuff like that. && no one minds. but umm anywhoo's today i was eating pizza and i decided to go to the fridge && get the ranch out.... :[ yeah it was gone? i couldnt find it no where on the damn fridge! i asked my mom, i asked my sister, & i also looked again. well of course he took it!!. he uses our fridge to put his food in there like he has chicken in the freezer or to put his milk. but he recently got a mini-fridge so im guessing he only puts some stuff there the others he puts it in our fridge. well anyways the ranch was there 2 days ago! it was a brand new bottle too :'[ so yeahhh im pretty sure its now sittin pretty in his mini fridge. and i feel weird to ask for it back , bcuz he never asked if he could have some and i actually wouldn't mind if he wanted some as long as he left it in MY fridge! not took it to his! idkk if maybe he thought it was his or not?? idk. well anyways i was tellin my mom i couldnt believe he stole my ranch and she basically said he has no shame. this dudes always bringing girls home.. different ones at that. just yesterday he brought his gf and today idk who this broad was but she came out the room with her hair lookin a mess. 0_o lol & even though it's none of my business it does seem disrespectful. i dont really care like i said its none of my bizzness tho. all i wanna kno wtfxup with my ranch????

thirsty? yes.

so i logged on chris myspace again, since i havent heard from him in a while.. well actually no i lied yes i have heard from him but i kinda overreacted and got mad at him and told him off... again. i didnt give him my new number or anything and told him we cant see each other no more & that was it. so yeah im not gonna message him anytime soon. so i really wanted to know how he was doing so i took it upon myself to check. 0_o
and this dudeee.... aha. he's sooo thirstyy.! it's disgusting! i copied one of his convos. now i wouldnt have posted this except he was asking all of his homeboys where are the gurlz at?? and this one just made me lmfaoo. so like that's all he's thinking bout rite now. so yeahh. chris is a thirst bucket.!

-----
From: chris //To: g.HH


Hey This message was sent by your friend via the Mafia Wars app. To block this app and all communications from it, click Here.

chris added you to their mafia. Click below to accept.

Play Mafia Wars


------------ Original Message ------------
From: g.HH //To: chris

wat up????

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: chris //To: g.HH

Hey hey what u been up to whhats new


------------ Original Message ------------

From: g.HH //To: chris

shit just wrkin kikin it wit dwight still... tryin to stay off ppl's radar's wat u been up to???

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: chris //To: g.HH

Hey just hangin out in *city* lookin 4 the ladies

------------ Original Message ------------

From: g.HH //To: chris

haha good shit thts always happenin werever we at.... soo wats new wit u???

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: chris //To: g.HH

Hey whats up bring me around some im just tryin to find a job and the ladies

------------ Original Message ------------

From: g.HH //To: chris

well shit we gotta kik it then u can c wats up... we be goin to the beach anywhere we no there's gonna be gurls at u kno.... u got a cell...


------------ Original Message ------------

From: chris //To: g.HH

yeah its (###)###-#### my bad i forgot ur name tho

& yeahhh ^ thats the message. at first i guess it started with an app. invite then the friend wrote bacc, lol but it's just funny cuz chris dumb ass dont even rember his friends name! but they already exchanged numbers and made plans to find "ladies". lolz whatta dumbass he is! this just made me laughhhh so much!

i used to be the pretty friend.

lately idk what is going on but i've noticed that whenever me and my bff'o (best friend) are out and about, dudes are always trynna holla,... AT HER! lol now im not jealous but and i know everyone has different taste so excuse my cockyness.. but WTF?! lol seriously like what about me?? i am not ugly and neither is she. Now i remember it was only like last year everytime we were out they would always be tryna holla at me.., but i guess the tables jus turned on me?. idk if it was cuz back then i used to dress with more revealing clothing and was superr flirtyyy. And now i dress casual not showing too much skin like i used to (i was almost like a freakin skank! ahah j/k tho) but now also im not into what there saying and dont paricipate much in the convo clearly because im not interested, but danggg! i mean why dont they try to get my number ?
so it happened today which got me thinking if i had suddenly turned into the ugly friend. We were talking to sum random dude while waiting for a friend outside the apartment complex.. so he was giving us "guy" advice and telling us whats going on thru a guys perspective.. so yeah this was for about 15 mins. then our friend finally showed up and we had to leave so then he asks if he can get her number down but she ends up getting his cuz i guess this dude had no phone of his own so he end up giving her his friends # sayin hit him up there. okayyyyyy??? wtf? now i dont have a low self esteem and dont depend on this dude to get a boost of it either.. like forreall this nigga aint even cute. but it got me thinking they havent been trynna "holla" at me! so i started thinking what could possibly look 'wrong' on me that he didnt want my number? and these are the possibilities i came up with. so i thought my hair? now i have long hair and i admit i have damged the shit out of it like its so over processed but i dont wanna cut it! its my baby :) ♥ lol , then theres also that my makeup was melting cuz it was hot as fucc,ooh and i think this is the main one i swear. i have a big pimple in my cheek and i have a clear face so it stands out that much more!! it looks ugly like it doesnt belong! hmm what i was wearing i looked like a lil preppy school cuz i had on one of those vests. and thats it.! lol and she was wearing all her hair in a beanie, regular tee and sandals im not hating at all she looked casual but nice not many ppl can pull of a nice casual. and i was wearing my schoolgirl vest, with a white tank top underneath and some neon pink vans. And i jus feel a lil weird now becuz before 'wen i looked better'.. i guess, she would always try to compete with me to prove that guys liked her as much as they liked me. so i jus feel weird now cuz i feel like they dont like me. And i cant help to think that she thinks shes better than me. and i kno shes noticed by now too that theyre always tryna call her. and as much as i hate competing with her, because she is my bff. i feel like i have to step 'my game' up forrealll, lol its not even about the guys and once in a while they do holla at me (and some are actually cute ;] ) lol cuz that guy i repeat was not cutee. and most guys that do holla at her arent cute either. prolly cuz theres not too many cuties around here. but yeah i feel like thats it no more miss.niceguy

p.s. im not sayin im 'the ugly friend' now, bcuz im not jus sayin im not the prettiest :[ lol dont judge me.

Things Niggas Should Recognize.

1. Long hair is not the most important factor.
Some short hairstyles are bangin', short dicks ain't.
Get your priorities straight, stumpy.

2. Definition of a gold-digger: Former innocent,
loyal, sweet, heartbroken girl who has come to the
conclusion that men just don't give a fuck about women
and have nothing to offer besides dick, and money.
Dick disappoints sometime, money never does.

3. Just cause your loyal girlfriend forgave you
for cheating, it doesn't mean things will remain the
same. Newsflash: Any cute male "friend" that she may
have has now moved up a few notches, playa.

4. Big titties can't suck a good dick. Nuff'said.

5. If she's mad cool, the two of you always get
along with no arguments, and kicking it with her is
like kicking it with your boys, keep up the good work.
You haven't pissed her off yet.

6. Girls can fuck you and keep it movin' too. Stop
thinkin' that if you fuck with us we're gonna catch
feelings. Ain't nobody thinking about you nigga. Our
boyfriend was just acting up that week.

7. The REAL freaks aren't the loud, obnoxious,
promiscuous, titties hangin' out, tight everything on,
excessive makeup wearing girls who emulate chicks in a
Jay-Z video. Nah, she's the QUIET one with the
sweatsuit, sneaks, ponytail, makeup-less face, doin'
her, just chillin'. That unsuspecting, "plain" chic
will have you thinking your dick will fall off if she
leaves. Not to mention, kick one of them obnoxious
bitches' asses.

8. Real freaks keep their shit undercover because
if every nigga knew how good her shit was and how
easily she gives in to temptation, her coochie would
wear out like a stretched rubber band. We all know how
many times you gotta wrap that sucker around before it
holds tight.

9. Just because a girl gives you her phone number
that day, doesn't mean she expects to hear from you
that night. Pretend like you have a life.

10. Shouting obscenities at a girl just because
she DIDN'T RESPOND to your, "Yo shorty", (when you're
shorter than her), or your "Ma, Ma, Ma",(when you
ain't her fuckin' son), or to "Damn! Ey girl!" (when
she's with her man),only makes you look EXTRA stupid.
All that cursin' while she's walking away...you still
think she's fine, nigga.

11. If you want to mess around with the next chic,
just tell your girl. She's not gonna drop dead from sadness. She
might drop on her knees though...to thank God for giving her the
opportunity to mess with that cute guy at
school/work/the grocery store/next door/on the
train/on the bus/on the UPS truck/ex she use to mess
with/friend of yours that's tryin' to get with her on
the low/ etc. etc. nigga.

12. You don't choose the girl you want to be with.
By the time you even recognize her, she has already,
loved you, kissed you, touched you, sucked you, fucked
you, played you, and thought of a way to drop you, for
that other nigga whose eyein' her too.

13. Men swear that girls resort to masturbation
like they do. If a girl says she doesn't play with her
shit, it is conceivable. When we get horny, we call a
nigga. As women, we have more sex appeal, more
seductive tactics to trap guys, and therefore more
options than guys. And, our options never have their
period and are ALWAYS ready to fuck. With so little
resistance from you all, why play with our own shit?

14. A girl's love and trust is like tissue. Once
you've shit on it, you will never get it back to it's
original state.

15. ATTENTION ALL NIGGAS, STOP GIVING FLOWERS WHEN
YOU FUCK UP: Flowers don't make amends for all your
wrongs. If anything, they remind us of ! the course of
the relationship: at first it's colorful, bright, and
blooming everyday. Then it dries out, crumbles, and
disintegrates until it's dead. Now it's time for some
new flowers, if you know what I mean.

16. Girls don't dress up and look attractive to
impress guys. We do all that extra shit to make us
happy. We could have a rag on our head, no teeth, and
one leg, but if our ass or titties are big, we could
still bag one of you fools. Why dress up
unnecessarily?

17. Oh yeah, those girls in the video? THEY DON'T
WANT YOU. You better pay attention to the girl
sittin' next to your droolin' ass.

18. If a girl claims that you're sexually
harassing her, you're ugly. Plain and simple. Sexual
harassment is based solely on how attractive or
unattractive the so called "harasser" is. Like a girl
is gonna press charges because Allen Iverson told her
she had a nice ass.

19. When her girl calls your house and leaves a
message on your answering machine, blowin' up your
spot when she knows you live with your girl, you're
quick to call her a dumb bitch. No. Dumb bitches hang
up and pray that you eventually break up with your
girl for some miraculous reason.

20. When you really have a chic's heart, and you
really have her open, she's sucking your dick. If she
ain't doin' that, go re-reviewate yourself playa.
She ain't open.

21. If a girl is sucking your dick and you're not
even eating the pussy, and she ain't complainin,
don't brag to your boys and laugh cause you think
you're the man. Another nigga is handlin' what you're
scared to do. Ha!Ha!

22. Just cause a girl introduces you to her
parents, doesn't mean she's serious about you. It's
just that her parents keep sweatin' her because they
want to see the face of the person giving booty calls
waking up the entire house at 3am in the fuckin'
morning every night.

23. Just because you spent a couple of nights at
your girl's apartment, doesn't mean you live with her.
Take your dirty draws home and wash them yourself. And
stop tryin' to leave signs of your presence. Other
niggas drop by too.

24. When you interrupt our making out to get up
for a sudden bathroom run, we know you're jerking off
to get rid of that initial nut. If she doesn't know,
it's because she hasn't caught a nigga yet.

25. Do you really think we don't know when you're
on the phone with some chic? Nigga PUHLEEEEZEEE...

26. If your girl is always asking about how one of
your friends is doing, she's doing one of four things:
dreaming about being with him, wishing she met him
before she met you, considering sleeping with him
after the two of you break up, or sleeping with him
already.

27. Just because you honk your horn at a girl and
she turns to look at you, it doesn't mean that she's
diggin' you. It's because she's in the street and you
honked your horn. Basic reflex is to turn and look.
Drive on genius


hehe just some list i ran into.. funny and true

ugly dude games.

Lol this is so funny niggas do fuck anythiiiiiing.
haha, but yeah i know everybody be playing that ugly dude games ahaha
i know me & my homegirl be doinnn too damn much! xD
"Now this ugly muthafucka follow u to ur car...which one of yall bitches like me?"
hahah too funny.

Running out of strenght & patience.

ughhh i cant believe this but i cant get him off my mind for a couple days now. And it's killing me i feel guilty for what happend somehow i feel like this was all my fault im jus missing him soo much right now. And i know it's not my fault and im seriously tired of moping around bcuz of him and bitching about him too but theres nothing else going through my mind.. just him. So it's all i gotta say is about him. i have been trying to be strong and not go look at his myspace cuz once i do i just know how tempted i'll be to log into it and see what hes been up to. but it's really not a healthy thing for me to do. I'll just end up back in square one. i wonder if hes tried to call me?.. hmm idk since i got a new number. i just want to know. Is it possible hes completely forgotten about me now? i mean yes he has alot of females he talks to so its not like hes like me with noone to talk to rite now, so he probably doesnt even notice the difference without me, since we were drifting apart anyways. i seriously feel like just go look at his profile and see from the outside.. but i dont trust myself. And am soo scared of more feelings rushing back to me. i wonder if he regrets anything.. probably not though. i seriously wish i could just get trough to him. im tired of daydreaming of him messaging me asking for forgiveness and showing up at my house to try to talk to me again.. but i guess if he hasnt done it he isnt concerned with it and im soo sure hes moved on. i just have so many questions going on through my mind is he still drinking and smoking weed everyday?, is he working now?, who is he talking to?, does he have a girlfriend?.. ughhh its killing me im just hoping i dont give in and go check :[

today...

me and my bestie.. ARE bffos again!! =D
lol yay!
we went "swimming"..lol
and im back home now.
she mentioned him today...
got me thinking
idk im just having a lil moment rite now
cuz as soon as i got to my room i felt like crying,
now im just missing him :[
he doesnt care about me
and im just slipping rite now
ill be over it later..
i hope.
ughhh horrible headachee! >:[
i feel like im gaining weight.. in my tummy!!
yuckmeisters!
i need a diet seriously, or a workout at least idk
what to do with myself.
ive been eating a lil too much lately, mostly at night.
and i got sooo much homework!!
its not even funny!!!
i just dont know rite now...

you didnt know

as time keeps passing its starting to feel like we never had nothing, nothing special anyway, nothing worth mentioning.
im losing those bad habits; that at once i couldnt control
you see no more checking up on you
to see how youre doing or who youre talking to
i dont care enough to go check anymore.
and this time around..
i dont have to fight myself.
trying to keep it cool,
like taking off a pair of glasses, i DONT need,
now i see the truth!
youre much smaller than i thoought you to be im not so worried like before,crying over you to my friends on the phone, i feel like im moving on finally dropping the dead weight that wouldnt let me move and that is you!
no more worrying about if you'll call cuz deep down i know you wont;
and its okay my cell phones turned off and its okay
im not stressing i dont care, i have a new number that you dont know
its starting not to bother me that;
theres no way for you to contact me.
im slowly starting to see the sunrise after the dark night, and im not gonna lie the night life was fun while it lasted..
but it feels so good to see the sun again
no more getting tricked by the nights shady ways; i could see everything thats getting hit by the suns rays.
its not bothering me to think youre with them and not me
knowing my worth amounts no where near theirs
its not a big deal anymore really
me staying would only result in me being cheated out of my worth
and now i can think back to those hurtful words you said to me:
that i dont mean anything & i never mattered.
it's alright i feel like im ready to let go;
i feel just about ready to delete those last words you told me from my phone
im DONE over-analyzing your words tryna find a hidden meaning
that i well know DOESN'T exist.
realizing i just wasted my time with you but im not bitter..
no more.
you dont even phaze me at this point all i can say is fuck it,
it is what it is and now that i got my mind cleared
i can actually mean it this time unlike before
when i said it cuz you hurt me.
but, YOU never mattered and its true.
not gonna keep rambling about you
and how youre garbage, you already know
because i told you.
but thats not the point,
it's just to say you dont get the last laugh like you probably thought you did
its to take away that satisfaction you thought you had
so you can wipe that smile off youre face like you won
because you just won a battle, but you lost the war.

im ready to leave it in the past..

Alright now...
schools about to start and i've been taking the longest two year vacay. these past 5 months ive been doing super bad in school. not going and not turning in any workk. Now that im clearing my mind i realized i wasted my time on a nobody and for nothing too, cuz he dont wanna talk to me no more.. but fuckkk it! i dont give a fuck about his dumb ass no more. i feel like im finally leaving denial now; and im seeing things for what they really are. i was acting stupid over a aint shit nigga but im a bout to get smart real quick. ima call it what it is now his words no longer hurt me, i havent gone to check up on his myspace in 5 days! and its whatever now im not gonna keep taking advantage of his dumbass not knowing i know his password and read all the messages he sends to all those hoes; its whatev. seriouslyy. i could go check but nahh i dont even feel like it no more. he could do him now; i dont give a shitt no more. he said i aint mean nothin to him, well i can now honestly say the same about him. and its whatever i dont care no more that i did waste my time on him and he didnt appreciate it. it is what it is and i cant get that time backk. now im going back to school and its time to do me now too; i fell off got to much shit i gotta catch up with but fuck it.
now that im getting over his ass his shit is so funny can u believe this nigga try to tell me "im gonna miss out" haah get tha fckk outta here .! lol but now i can see straight like its really him thats missing out and i dont give a fuck about it no more cuz before i was so stuck on why he'd let something good pass him by? but now i realize its not my loss so i shouldnt mourn.. i dont lose shit after all.. ahaha yea its my turn to laugh now he already had his. and this bitch nigga really had me twistedd, i just feel mad at myself i let him talk to me the way he did and treat me like shitt. but no more im glad it happend like it did, he did he thought he had me wrapped around his finger..! haaha but he doesnt have shit now and its okay im not worried about him cuz he wasnt worried about me and thats it. its all in the past now cuz im letting that shit go and moving on, and yup i get the last laugh! hahaha

*perfect girlfriend

i just dont understand

whyyy is it that this dude isnt into me..
like wtf?
wait lemme explain the situation a lil bit.
well this is an ugly ass dude to begin with on a scale of 1-10 i would honestlyy give him a "3' yesss! thats right i said it a motherfukkn damn three!! and his celebrity look alikes would have to be a mix between hurricane chris and busta rhymes!! lol so yeahh you get the idea n im not the only one whose mentioned it to him before he gets hurricane chris from other ppls too, but the bustaa yea thts all my idea. ooh n to make matters worst this dude is short 5'7"! yeah hes a shorty! lol were the same height!!! (its weirdd; to hug him and stuff;)and idk theres just something about his face that makes him look SPECIAL, and he has a peanut looking head! oooh and as the cherry on top of this scrumptious sounding dessert.. hes raggedy!!!!!!!! omg yesssss! lolz so yeea if you get the picture im painting youre problly wondering what is this beautifullll doll trippen over an ugly dumb ass no job having-(uhh did i forget to mention that?) or car owning nigga???! exactly wtf am i doing why am i stressing over this dude that clearly doesnt give 2 fawks about me?! like serious what could possibly be wrong with me? im pretty, im smart, im funny, im have great convos. buuuuuut no he doesnt want me? but hes okay with talking to ugly dumb hoodrats [no its not my jealousy kikin in] these gurlz he talks to are actual crack smoking, four-baby having hoodrats that fuck anyone.! so whyy why does he pick all of those trashy hoes over a classy top notch queen..haha?? why tho forrealllll im everything those gurlz arent the opposite he knos there no good he doesnt respect them, has no feelings for them or take them serious for that matter.. so whyy? when i have genuine feelings for him, and im wayyy on an upper level than him were just not equals im soo much better than him in so many ways hes trash he belongs with those fuck anything hoodrats cuz hes the same way theyre on his level im not im way past him.. why cant he appreciate and see that with me he has something good .. like does this dude seriously think he can do better? i just dont get it, whyyy he doesnt want a relationship with mee.. he wants to be a lil player and dont want to commit??.. whatever the reason is i just dont get it who the hell is HE a worthless asshole with nothing going for himself think he is to not want ME.?

Thats love response

Response to that’s love: /my part


Okay True
I can be difficult at times, but I’m good to you

And just like my sudden mood swings

Our relationship can go both ways

don’t need to tell you I love you because you should know

Just like they always say actions speak louder than words

I agree we both need to go 50 -50

But instead of planning and thinking before

Lets just let things be and let them flow

We don’t have to try no more

I’m ready and this I know

I promise to give it my all

And about the rest don’t reassure me, I know

I know I have other options

But trust me they’re now closed

I’m sure about it and I realize our potential

Yes a day without you makes me sad

But understand its not an essential / But realize this which I forgot to mention

Your love is a luxury

That only right now I can afford