Nights I couldn't sleep you let the sun beat you home I ask myself over again what am I doing wrong to make you stay out all night and not think to call

i just...

i don't understand life, i don't understand myself, i don't understand feelings, i don't understand anything.
i hate and love this person .
this is the most confusing emotions ever to feel HATE and LOVE for the same person. i really don't understand this shit, it's messing with my head and it's fucking me over big time.
i'm trapped .
i trapped myself in ,
my feelings won't let me "let go" .
but its also, feelings that tell me enough is enough.
you can't go forward and back at the same time :
therefore im not moving. i cant.
so i have to go along with whatever bullshit said person wants to throw at me
until i have made a choice .
fml seriously.
i never thought i'd end up being this type of person.
but LOVE is a bitch!!
it knows just when to get you, and how to do it.
i feel pathetic to have stooped as low as to one of those staying in an unhappy unsatisfactory relationship.
im so ready to leave.
but the thought of someone else taking my place (even though im not gonna front isn't much)
really has a way to fucking get to me.
i refuse to have put up with so much bullshit to leave the spot wide open to some bitch on the come up. smh.

im doing this to myself. this is all my fault.
i've never in my life known when to let go
from useless trash to- a waste of a person ,